Please advise

Me and merlin want to embark on an adventure but are hesitating at the backdoor. We heard about colon irrigation and its many *benefits and launched Operation Bumpipe.
We found this place which has packages you’d have to pay through your arse for, so it seemed right.
Unfortunately, merlin’s cousin, a surgeon, says this could be LIFE THREATENING. Puss, bleeding and other damages were mentioned.
We not want to die while taking a shit, especially because we will be paying in advance. Have any of you done something like this, or know of someone who has, and lived to flush?
Please let us know.
In return, I will blog about the indignity and discomfort we suffer if we do go through with it. You’d like that wouldn’t you?

The other day, I dreamt me and merlin were at the aforementioned centre and it was like a spa. We were given a massage, prompting me to tell merlin THIS was what we were paying for. He went without an incident, but when it was my turn, a photographer from office showed up at the place.
He took pictures of me getting out of the tub. I argued with him and tried to take his camera away, but it was difficult while hanging on to a towel and wearing face-pack.
You think it’s a sign?

* Apparently it expels the kilos of gunk that is accumulated in your large intestine and then speeds up the metabolism. I am too lazy to exercise or diet but don’t mind having someone stick up a tube up me **bum.
** I am not constipated. I go like clockwork, just so you know. I am just perversely curious.

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6 thoughts on “Please advise

  1. (From the FAQ)
    How does a Colon Hydrotherapy treatment compare to an enema?

    When compared with an enema, Colon Hydrotherapy is a much more comfortable experience in which the patient’s dignity and privacy is maintained at all times. With Colon Hydrotherapy, the entire length of the colon (the large intestinal tract approximately 5 to 6 feet in length) is reached. It is many more times effective. According to learned centenarian Dr. Norman Walker, “One colon irrigation is equivalent to 30 enemas.”

  2. I don’t get it… doesn’t that just depend on how much liquid you push through? How are they backing up these statistical claims? Seems shady to me. I only have experience with enema and those are not uncomfortable.

    G

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