It was our anniversary and to be honest, it was a little anti-climatic. I fear that the social part of my brain is a bit broken and the best way I can explain this is that I swim at a tea-party. Anniversaries make me feel like that — that I should be taking stock, feeling gratitude and generally a little moony, but the heart is not forthcoming. It’s out at the back, smoking a cigarette. And not even smoking because it wants to rebel and likes the attention; smoking because it really, really likes it.
I am aware that something is expected of me, but I don’t know what it is.
The feeling is of being called into a room that has all your teachers and family, and the particularly competitive parents of your classmate and they are all looking at you. Waiting. And you don’t know what it is that you should do. And they just shake their heads in disappointment and your mother is throwing a particularly sharp look that means that though she won’t reprimand you directly, your dad is going to get an earful tonight.
SO! With this track playing in my head, dressing makes me really anxious. I *should* be wearing a really sexy dress, doing up my hair, putting on some make-up and wearing heels, but my husband may not like taking a transvestite to dinner. Maybe he meets eunuchs only off the side of the highway, in the marshes. I’m a cool wife like that.
But if I don’t make even a little effort, I’ll feel like a loser who is crippled by the thought of going to a restaurant where you sit down to have dinner. What’s the point of working in media if you are going to be dictated by it.
This is the outfit that that feeling wears.
Dress: Sample dress from Hill Road. Rs 650
Tights: Random hosiery store in Israel.
Shoes: Clarks, with a broad toe and curved heel
Jacket: Old Navy from Clothes Rack. Rs 1250 or something
Scarf: Pashmina
Accessories: A gold chain with a farohar pendant that Tushar’s aunt gave me recently. My MIL gave me a farohar when I married into the family, and that is small discreet one; this farohar took over Tokyo. I’MKIDDINGMASI,ILOVEYOU.MOREWINE? And a Seiko watch.
I wore this outfit to work the other day; just changed the heels to flats and wore this diamante and link cluster neckpiece.
Educated Tatya 